


Chain Breaker

by quartetship



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartetship/pseuds/quartetship
Summary: "I've got chains too. We all do. But I think I understand yours pretty well."





	Chain Breaker

**Author's Note:**

> So in the ultimate, "I'm probably going to hell" move, I heard [this beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGYjKR69M6U) at church a few months ago and it reminded me of this commission piece I was working on. Enjoy me taking a contemporary Christian tune and turning it into soft Shatt reunion smut. (And thank you to my very patient commissioner, who will remain anonymous as requested!)
> 
> Lyric sample:
> 
> If you’ve got pain  
> He’s a pain taker  
> If you feel lost  
> He’s a way maker  
> If you need freedom or saving  
> He’s a prison-shaking savior  
> If you’ve got chains  
> He’s a chain breaker
> 
> \--

Everything about life in the furthest corners of space seemed like a dream to Shiro, the first time he experienced it. Seeing faraway planets, coming face to face with frightening aliens, flying a robotic lion that was older than earthly society - it was all strange and terrifying and amazing, in turns.

Encountering familiar faces on his journey was perhaps the most surreal part of being part of team Voltron, though. It was strange enough bumping into aliens he had known during his captivity, or who he had met during his time as the pilot of the black lion. Seeing familiar earthly faces, though? That was a special brand of surreal.

The moment he saw Matthew Holt again for the first time, he felt that surreality peak. It was as if he were atop a mountain, isolated at the center of the universe as it spun out of control around him, and then suddenly his eyes were locked on Matt’s. Warm, familiar feelings of fondness bubbled up in his chest, and as soon as he had the chance to offer a welcoming smile, Matt was dashing toward him. A hand extended, a nervous smile given, and Matt was nearly _vibrating_ with the same joy Shiro felt at seeing his comrade again. Before either of them could process the moment, Shiro was pulling him into a hug, holding him while the universe revolved around them for just a brief time.

In a world where the familiar was foreign, Shiro reveled in the chance to hold another human close.

\--

Having Matt onboard the castle ship should have been nothing but positive, a breath of fresh yet familiar air for Shiro.

It certainly was a relief for Pidge, who seemed so much more focused and present since her brother had returned to her life. The other team members, many of whom hadn't even known Matt before, seemed to be enjoying his presence as well. Lance - who had someone else to cause chaos with - seemed particularly pleased. To much of the team’s dismay, the two of them had an eerily similar sense of humor.

For Shiro, though, Matt’s appearance had caused a strange feeling of _tension_ that he wasn't expecting.

The problem was, Matt Holt had changed significantly since Shiro had seen him last. In place of sweet, soft features his face was instead composed of sharp angles that belonged more to a man than a child. Shiro himself had also changed during his time in space, of course, there was no denying it. But Matt had done more than respond to the stress of life beyond the edges of his home galaxy. He had grown up, grown stronger, and grown far more attractive.

Shiro did his best not to linger on that thought.

It certainly didn't help matters that Matt had a tendency toward closeness that Shiro hadn't experienced in what felt like centuries. Shiro's first embrace with him had broken some kind of dam, it seemed; since then, Matt had hovered very near when they spoke, leaned in close to hear Shiro properly and laid hands on his arm or shoulder whenever the occasion provided the chance. It was if Shiro were a magnet, and Matt could not be pulled away.

Of course, that would have only been a concern if Shiro _wanted_ him to go away. The trouble was, he didn't. Trouble, because Shiro needed to focus, needed to lead and work together with the others as an impartial part of the team. He didn't need a sudden longing for a friend to come between him and the others, or between the team and their mission. He didn't have time to want Matt close and yet whenever the opportunity arose, he didn't just let it happen, he _encouraged_ it.

“God, it's just so good to see you again,” Matt would say, almost daily. Every time, Shiro would smile and reply in kind while his heart clenched and his stomach flipped.

It was a weakness, he told himself, but an understandable and entirely human one. It was normal. As long as he didn't let it go any further, it was okay. 

Matt’s presence made him feel alive, in ways that no one else had in ages. He was a small scrap of Shiro's life before everything had collapsed, a living memory of a time when Shiro was bright-eyed and optimistic. His snorting laughter and snarky sense of humor reminded Shiro of a life he once had, that he knew he could never have back.

But oh, how he longed for it.

\--

It took longer than Shiro would have liked, but eventually all trace of reverence in Matt’s voice when they spoke casually disappeared. Being called “sir” had never been Shiro's cup of tea, but he was used to it from his years on the Garrison base. Here, though, he wanted his teammates - his friends - to call him by name, and nothing more. So when Matt finally let formality fall away between them, Shiro felt like he'd made a new friend all over again.

Matt's real personality was something just outside of what Shiro had expected. He was witty and sharp-tongued, not unlike his sister. Brilliant, too. That much must have been genetic. But there was more to him than a counterpart to Katie. Matt was dramatic and withdrawn in turns, with soft words and genuine sentiment smoothing over his occasionally crass and crude sense of humor. He was an outward flirt, something Shiro didn't remember from their time together, before. Of course, Matt had grown since then, and space was certainly full of beautiful people. He had just never expected to see Matthew Holt taking such advantage of that fact.

He had also never expected the strange sense of envy that rolled in like a high tide every time he saw Matt smooth-talking someone. Shiro had never had a reason to feel jealous of anyone, but then with Matt around, new experiences seemed to happen every day.

Seeing Matt with Pidge - and hearing Pidge called Katie and treated like a little sister, again - made Shiro's chest feel warm and full. Just knowing that they had brought the two of them back together against all odds was heartwarming enough, but seeing how happy the Holts were reminded him fondly of times gone by. Days spent at the Garrison with Samuel and evenings at the Holt’s dinner table with the entire family; Shiro felt as if a piece of his own heart had been returned to him when Matt stepped back into his life.

That wasn't something he shared with anyone, though. Shiro prided himself on being an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on for others, but kept his own thoughts and feelings fairly private. This matter in particular was one he wasn't willing to share, but Matt made it difficult to resist showing favoritism.

“You wanna come show me some of your sweet space combat moves, Shiro?” he asked one afternoon, dressed down in borrowed, casual clothes. Lance's shirt and a pair of Pidge’s shorts cut an interesting look on him, long-legged and muscular as he had become. Shiro forced himself not to let his eyes linger on those legs.

“You going to the training room?” he asked, smiling. Matt nodded.

“Katie said she'd meet me there. Think Lance might be coming down in a bit, too. I promised him I'd show him how to use a staff.”

Shiro laughed, envisioning the chaos that would surely ensue during that lesson. “I'll come. Don't know that I have much to teach, but I would like to see Lance learn from the master.”

Matt threw his head back and laughed, the sound unbridled and _unfairly_ charming. “I don't know about a master, but I can kick some alien ass when I need to. That's what counts, right?”

“Right,” Shiro chuckled, and followed his friend to the training bay.

Watching his friends train had always brought Shiro a brotherly sense of pride. Seeing Pidge and Matt exchanging lessons of things they'd learned in their time apart was even more pleasing for him. Watching Matt demonstrate his fighting prowess against the training robot, however? That had a less-than-brotherly effect on Shiro's blood pressure.

“Where’d you learn that?!” Pidge shouted, watching him work. Shiro couldn't help thinking the same.

When had this whisper of a kid become such a talented and tenacious man? When had he grown up, become someone so sure of himself and his skill, become so strong? When had Shiro stopped thinking of him as a precocious little teammate, and started _falling_ for him?

The only distraction from his panic spiral was the sound of Lance hitting the padded wall as Matt threw him across the room.

“Sorry!” he called, despite being nearly doubled over with laughter. Lance grumbled under his breath and got back to his feet, scowling at both the snickering Holt siblings. Hunk had entered the room and - much to Lance's obvious displeasure - was laughing, too.

Shiro had to leave the room, overwhelmed by his own feelings for all of them. It had been so long since he had seen any of them so happy. He wouldn't let something as silly as a childlike crush on another person distract from the fact that things were finally falling into place for everyone. The team - and Matt's joyful and genuine smile - were just too important.

\--

Thankfully, Matt’s smile was cemented in place during the moments of peace the lot of them had on the ship. It was clear he was simply happy to be there.

The longer he was with team Voltron, the more seamless his presence became with the group. When he wasn't making mischief with his sister or Lance, he was talking shop with Hunk and helping Pidge make repairs and modifications to the grateful lions. He was a welcome piece of a living machine that had become incredibly well-oiled with time and practice, a fact Shiro was glad for.

More than just fitting in with the others onboard, Matt seemed to make everyone feel a bit more at home. At least Shiro certainly felt that way. Matt's irreverent humor and relatable jokes made him laugh more than he probably had in the rest of the time he'd been in space, combined. Along with the moments they spent recalling their time together as a flight team, that laughter brought he and Matt closer by the day, deepening a bond that seemed to spring from somewhere organic and real yet completely unknown in Shiro's heart.

He wouldn't let himself put a name to the feeling, but he chased it relentlessly.

“You remember that time my dad went on and on about his grandma's pea soup casserole or whatever the hell it was?”

Matt lay on the smooth floor of one of the observation decks, eyes focused on the ceiling above him rather than the stars outside. It was one of the few moments they had to be truly alone, together. The others still weren't over the novelty of Matt's presence, and it made talking to him privately nearly impossible.

So, whenever Shiro got the chance, he took it. Matt had invited him along just to relax, something they both needed. He was grinning, a welcome sight for Shiro as they reflected on someone they both missed from life before everything had spun out of their control.

Shiro nodded, smiling. “And we were both asleep before he even got to the point of the story?”

“What was the point?” Matt mused, looking over at Shiro where he sat a few feet away. “Did we ever figure that out?”

“Your dad just… really _loves_ peas, I guess. That's what I took away from it,” Shiro shrugged. At that, Matt howled with laughter, prompting Shiro to do the same. It was more a moment of relief and release than anything, a quiet break from the insanity of life as they both knew it. A chance to laugh about something as simple as peas.

Matt wiped at the corner of his eyes as he regained his breath, sighing happily. “God, you're hilarious, Shiro. No idea how you're still single.”

Shiro froze. The humor in his heart evaporated, even as Matt continued to chuckle. This was a topic he wasn't ready to discuss, one he made strident efforts to avoid at all costs. He drew himself up a little higher where he sat and cleared his throat, shaking his head.

“Not really out looking for anyone, right now,” he said. It wasn't a lie. He had no plans to settle down with anyone, at least not anytime soon. It wasn't for lack of wanting to, but that wasn't something he needed to share with anyone. Unfortunately, Matt’s easy chattiness and friendly, endearing smile made it hard not to overshare. Before Shiro could stop himself, he was letting something more like the whole truth escape him. “And trust me, nobody else wants any part of the mess my life is in right now. Or probably ever.”

“You're gonna make somebody real happy, one of these days,” Matt assured him. “I mean look at you. Champion, defender of the universe, best pilot on this or any other planet.”

“Now that part is debatable,” Shiro chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair, his chest tight from the weight of Matt’s praise. He shook his head. “Besides, I'm not whole. I don't want to burden another person with what I've been through.”

“People that love you won't care,” Matt said, with not a second of hesitation. He let his elbow bump against Shiro's. “Look at the paladins. They're all crazy about you. Allura, Coran, everybody. Everybody who knows you, loves you. They wouldn't let what you've been through change that.”

Shiro sighed. “That's different. The team is like my family. We love and accept one another on a level that I'd never expect a significant other to.” Shiro looked out the large window in front of them, out past galaxies unknown. “I just don't think I'm partner material anymore, Matt. Husband, boyfriend, any of that. I can't give someone everything when I'm missing pieces of myself.”

Matt watched him, silent. Shiro knew there was an argument on the tip of his tongue, but something about Shiro's authority had seemed to keep it at bay for the days Matt had obviously been stewing on it. Still, as he watched Shiro rub at his metal arm with his remaining flesh fingers, Matt shifted where he sat, tense.

“So is it, like… Do you think you're not lovable because you're missing a fuckin’ arm, or whatever?” When Shiro looked back at him, startled by his bluntness, Matt crossed arms over his chest and frowned. “Sorry, sorry. Uncalled for, I know. It's just… I don't understand what you mean by ‘missing pieces’. The only part of you that's missing is a chunk of flesh and bone the Galra hung onto. That's it, Shiro.”

Shiro considered his response carefully. He knew Matt cared; he had been blessed in being surrounded by people who sympathized with his trauma. Still, there was no way he could understand, exactly.

“I think part of me is still there,” he said, his eyes locked with Matt’s. “Part of my mind, part of my soul. In that cell. And back home, where life made sense. I've been dropping pieces of myself everywhere, and I'll never even find them all again to put myself back together. That's what I mean, Matt.”

“Maybe you don't need to,” Matt said quickly. Shiro looked at him, studied his face for meaning. He was still on edge, but he did soften as he continued talking. “Maybe you're not supposed to be the same person you were before. Maybe that's okay.”

“How is that okay?!” Shiro asked, alarming both of them with the sharpness of his tone. He swallowed his anxiety, his anger; Matt didn't deserve it. Shiro shook his head, looking down at his alien, metal arm. “I know I can't ever be the same person I was. I've accepted that. Doesn't mean I like it, but I'm at peace with it. But how… No one needs someone like me, especially not on a personal level.”

“That's… Is that why you treat the other paladins like you do?”

The question caught Shiro off guard, shaking him from his spiraling thoughts. He raised his eyes to catch Matt’s. There was hesitation in Matt’s expression, but not fear. He knew he was right.

“Like children, I mean. You treat them like your little buddies, like kids you're watching out for, rather than friends.”

“They _are_ kids,” Shiro said quickly. Matt gave him half a smile.

“Not really. I mean, they're young, sure. But look at everything they've been through. You treat them like you're afraid to get too close to them, because... why? You think you're gonna protect them?”

“I am,” Shiro insisted. “I will. None of them is gonna go through what I went through. Not if I can help it.”

“But you can’t, Shiro. They've all been through hell. Think about everything Keith's dealt with lately. Think about my sister, living without dad and I, thinking we were dead. Allura apparently had to like… delete her dad after losing everything else. And hell, Lance likes to act like he doesn't get involved in as much combat as you and Keith, but the kid's got a scar on his back that looks like a Detroit roadmap. That's never going away, Shiro. And their skin isn't even close to the most damaged thing about them.” Matt drew a deep breath, clearly trying to keep his voice soft and level. He was failing rather badly.

“We've all got shit we're dealing with, Shiro. You can't protect other people from it. Especially by keeping everyone at arm’s length. You've just gotta help them through it.”

A long silence stretched between them. Matt wasn't wrong, of course. The fact that Shiro knew that made swallowing his words all the more difficult. Yet he could not bring himself to understand how Matt seemed to be moving on with his life, when Shiro himself felt too weighed down to take a single step forward.

“How?” he finally managed. “How can I help people through anything when I'm still a prisoner, myself?” He looked at his right arm, cold and metallic. He looked at his left, calloused and scarred. “I've got too many of my own chains.”

Matt moved to stand, and Shiro's breath caught in his throat. He was probably leaving; Shiro was being so damned stubborn. Before Shiro could speak out to protest, though, Matt was kneeling directly in front of him. There was hardly a hand’s width between them, and Shiro could not exhale. Not when he was so close to a comforting, truly familiar presence, and yet still so far away.

“I've got chains, too,” Matt said. He rolled his sleeves back, revealing thin, muscular arms that were roped in scars not unlike Shiro's. Wincing at the sight, Shiro fought the urge to touch those marks, to soothe the skin around them. Matt let the fabric fall over them again and sighed.

“I think we've all got them. Physical, emotional. But… I think I understand yours pretty well.” He fidgeted for a moment, not making eye contact. Shiro didn't realize he had leaned in closer, expectant of more, until Matt raised his eyes again and the two of them were nearly nose to nose. Matt swallowed and flashed a grin.

“D’you know what I was thinking, when I joined the resistance?” he asked. Shiro sat back slowly, shaking his head. Matt chuckled. “I was thinking about you. About my dad, and my family back home, Katie and mom. But mostly about you. You were out there fighting every night, and I knew you were alive, but I didn't know for how long. You were out there, taking the pain that was meant for others. You made a way for me to get out of that situation, and put yourself in harm’s way to do it. I lived every day in fear that you were going to die, and I felt like it was all my fault.”

“Matt, it wasn't,” Shiro interjected, placing a hand on his knee. “I chose to-”

“I know what you did and why,” Matt said flatly. “But I wasn't strong enough to stop you from risking your life, over and over. I wasn't even strong enough to protect myself, much less you.”

Dragging a hand down his face, Matt laughed, the sound of it hollow and dry. Shiro squeezed the place where his hand rested on Matt's knee. Matt looked back at him, a small, sad smile returning.

“I learned how to fight because of you. I learned how to protect myself and how to protect others, because I hoped that maybe I could rescue you one day. Even if I couldn't, I thought if I could at least be a part of what overthrew the Galra empire, I could be part of what set you free. I could take away some of your pain, and make a way for you to have a better life. That's… That was my main motivation. So I guess that was kind of what set me free.”

Silence settled over them again, only a beat this time before Matt shifted uneasily. Shiro squeezed his leg again on reflex, refusing to let him move away. The last thing he wanted was for Matt to feel like he had anything to be embarrassed about.

“I'm really glad you told me that,” he said quickly, hoping he sounded as impressed by Matt as he was. “You… That's honestly really amazing. I wish I had your strength.”

At that, Matt laughed. When Shiro raised an eyebrow, Matt reached up to squeeze one of Shiro's thick biceps and then one of his own much leaner arms, snorting when Shiro rolled his eyes.

“Not what I meant, and you know it.” Shiro found himself smiling like he hadn't in so long that the movement felt foreign to the muscles of his face. He shook his head, trying to remain convicted and contrite in his tone. “Your inner strength. The fact that you're moving forward. I… I wish I could do the same.”

“You can, though,” Matt insisted. When Shiro just stared at him, he leaned forward to look him fully in the eye, reaching out to take hold of Shiro's knees this time.

“It's not _me_ that did what I did. I don't have some kind of something that you don't, Shiro. It was…” He looked down at his hands again for a moment and shrugged. “It's just love. It's caring about people. My dad always gave Katie and I these speeches about how good things like the love you have for other people will always win out over bad shit, and that stuck with me when things got really bad. When I felt the most lost, I tried to focus on that. Those guys that fight for the Galra empire - most of them have probably never loved or cared about _anyone_ in their entire lives. That's the only thing I have over them. That's all any of us has, but you can have it too, Shiro. If you'd just _let_ yourself.”

Shiro continued staring at him, barely aware of the fact that he was doing so as he let everything that Matt had said sink in. Pushing people away, isolating the warmest parts of himself in order to protect others - none of it was working. None of it was helping anyone. He thought about Matt, bearing the weight of others’ suffering while learning to fight for the love of them. Love, that had held him together when he was falling apart, that had broken the chains that held him captive.

_Love._

Chest suddenly tight, Shiro stood, shaking himself from his thoughts and looking at Matt with purpose.

“Matt… Did you… Do you _love_ me?”

As soon as the words were out in the air between them Matt reacted, eyes fluttering closed as a smile slowly spread across his face. He stood with a flustered shake of his head, letting it drop to clasp a hand over the back of his neck. Only by the contrast of his fingers against it could Shiro see the faint redness beginning to rise across his neck and shoulders. Matt laughed, quiet and soft.

“What took you so long, man?”

He wasn't sure what took hold of him then, but just as he had upon being offered a handshake on their moment of reunion, Shiro took what Matt gave him and offered far more. Taking Matt's hand in his, Shiro pulled him close, letting Matt place his free hand on his shoulder for stability as he stumbled into Shiro's arms. Matt looked up at him then, uncertainty battling with a need that Shiro could almost see rolling off of him in waves. It was a familiar feeling, a sense of urgency Shiro understood all too well. He squeezed the slender fingers in his hand and threaded them through his own.

“I'm an idiot,” he answered, replying to a question Matt clearly hadn't expected an answer to. Matt laughed, high and nervous, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Shiro placed his own free hand on Matt's waist, swaying as if to dance with him. With the light of thousands of stars behind them, it wasn't unlike a dance. It was one Shiro owed Matt, owed himself, too. He'd spent so much time trying not to get hurt - trying to keep from hurting Matt - and yet he'd been the one making things worse.

He had been the only one standing in the way of both of them being happy, and he had never felt so foolish. Yet Matt didn't taunt him, didn't make him feel any smaller than he already did. If anything, with Matt's body pressed close to his, Shiro felt ten feet tall.

Even when Matt mumbled, “Maybe just a little, yeah.”

Shiro laughed through his nose, leaning in close. “Can I make it up to you?”

“What did you have in mind?” Matt managed, a grin tugging at his lips despite the waver in his voice at their proximity. Shiro touched the tip of his nose to Matt's, whispering his response across his lips.

“I thought I could start here.” With that, Shiro closed the breath of distance between their mouths and captured Matt's with his own. The kiss was quiet and soft, but still simmered with the heat of long-smoldering need that both of them had been tending. With every breath stolen between them, the fire intensified.

He hadn't known it until that very second, but kissing Matthew Holt was everything he wanted in the universe, in one simple moment. It was a feeling of familiarity, of fondness at the thought of holding another person close. It was familial, the knowledge that his found family would surely be happy for them, and the Holts would never stop teasing the both of them for finally ending up in one another's arms. And it was love, a feeling Shiro had run from in its many forms as he convinced himself that he was unworthy.

With Matt in his arms, lips gently pressed against his, the chains Shiro had carried in his heart and mind began to break, falling away and taking their weight with them. He scooped Matt from the floor, hauling him into his arms and in for more kisses. Matt gasped against his lips and went willingly along.

“Where's this going?” he asked as Shiro hefted him higher, moving toward a nearby wall. Once Matt's back rested against the wall, Shiro raised a hand to his face, cupping his cheek with warm, flesh fingers as he returned for kiss after kiss.

“Where do you want it to go?” he asked, tracing his thumb along Matt's jaw. In that moment, he would have done anything Matt asked, given him anything he wanted just to see him smile. It was an overwhelming feeling and he let himself drown in it as Matt ran fingers through his short hair, humming into his kisses.

“Mm, how about my room?” he finally replied. When Shiro pulled back enough to see the look in his eyes, he saw the glittering of honey brown and dark pupils blown wide with lust. He swallowed and nodded, letting Matt move to his feet after one more long, slow kiss.

“After you.”

\--

As it turned out, Matt’s borrowed bedroom aboard the castle ship was in a hall where no one else slept, making it fairly easy to slip away from everyone else unnoticed. Of course, they'd have to answer to the others, later. Pidge, especially. For the moment, though, Shiro was too drunk on the feelings blossoming in his chest to think beyond the sound of Matt's heartbeat and heavy breathing in his ear.

He deserved this. They deserved this. He'd give himself this one moment of indulgence, and figure the rest out when they had come down from their high.

“So much time I want back,” he murmured against Matt’s lips, biting gently at the lower one as it slid between his teeth. He wasn't one much for public displays of affection, but nipping at Matt's mouth in the solitude of a dark hallway set his pulse to racing the same way sex in public might for someone else. He hummed against warm, soft skin as Matt fumbled to open his door. “So much time I could have had with you.”

“Not if the universe could help it,” Matt chuckled, pulling Shiro after him into his room and watching the door slide closed behind them. He turned to press hands against Shiro's chest, splaying his fingers and running them across the wide expanse there, as if he could scarcely believe Shiro was real and alive beneath his hands. “Trust me though, I would have much rather you been with me than where you were. Even if it was just for the sake of keeping you safe.”

“Would've kept _you_ safe,” Shiro insisted, eloquence leaving him as they walked in unison toward Matt's unmade bed. “Would have protected you. Would have _loved_ you.”

“Love me now,” Matt said, letting himself fall backward onto the edge of the bed with a bounce. He reached up for Shiro, pulling him down by the folds of clothes he was able to grab. Shiro leaned into him, hovering over him as he let Matt pull away his vest.

“I'm going to.”  

When Shiro reached for the hem of Matt's shirt - one of Pidge's extras, this time - Matt sucked in a sharp breath. It might have been enough to deter Shiro's movements if Matt himself wasn't already pawing at his sleeves, trying to pull his arms free of them. Shiro made quick work of the whole process, peeling the shirt up, off and tossing it away in a single, fluid motion. When he looked down at Matt smiling back at him - pale and flushed a splotchy shade of pink across his chest - he nearly lost track of what he'd been doing.

Shiro was left breathless at the sight of him.

“Matthew…” He let his eyes drag slowly over Matt’s arms, his chest and waist, all roped in scars that crowned lean, sculpted muscle like some exquisite jewelry. Matt shifted under the intensity of his stare, dragging fingers over some of his thickest marks.

“Yeah, I know, cool scars, huh?”

Shiro shook his head, pushing Matt’s hand away. “That's not… You're so _beautiful.”_

“Says an actual Greek god, who multiple planets thirst for,” Matt snickered, running hands over Shiro's arms. He grinned. “But if you think I'm cute, I'll take it.”

“You're not just cute. Look at you…” He let himself explore the slight curves and sharp angles of Matt's torso, hungry for more, for whatever Matt was willing to offer. It was a hunger he hadn't realized he was harboring until the offer to satiate it hung in the air before him. Perhaps it was only his body’s starvation for sex, for _any_ kind of pleasurable touch after so long without it, but he couldn't help feeling like it was deeper than that.

Looking Matt over was a spiritual experience, in the midst of such need. He only realized he'd said as much aloud when Matt made an amused sound, preening beneath his gaze.

“You're makin’ me feel kinda special, mister champion.”

Shiro took hold of Matt's hips, holding them firmly as he brought their bodies together. He wanted to hold Matt close enough to feel his heartbeat, to smell the scent of his skin and feel the warmth of his breath. He wanted Matt to be swept away in the same pleasure he was feeling.

“I'd like to make you feel more than that.

Matt cocked an eyebrow, wiggling in Shiro's grip. “Ohoho, really now?”

“That's not what I meant,” Shiro huffed, laughing despite himself. “I have got to stop letting you and Lance pal around so much.”

“Yeah? And how exactly are you gonna stop me?” Matt prodded him hard in the chest. Shiro took hold of his hand and pinned it playfully above his head.

“I'm pretty strong. Guess I could use that. Or…” Shiro pulled his undershirt up and off, tossing it across the room. Leaning in close, he whispered, voice beginning to roughen with need and fray at the edges. “Maybe I could just _convince_ you to listen to me.”

Writhing beneath him, Matt wriggled until he could capture Shiro's mouth, distracting him long enough to work himself free of Shiro's hold so he could drag hands down his back and sides and back up again. “Whatever that mouth couldn't convince me of, that body could. Damn, Shiro.” He pushed Shiro up and away slightly so he could look at him, marveling at what he saw. It wasn't the first time someone had looked at Shiro's shirtless form with lust, but it was certainly the first time his own body had responded so acutely. Matt whistled theatrically. Shiro chuckled.

“Not quite as mint condition as it was last time you saw it, but--”

“Fuck that noise, you look like a sculpture or some shit.” Matt propped himself up on his elbows, fists clenching and unclenching as he looked Shiro over. “God, can I - I mean, since we're doing this or whatever... Can I just _touch_ you?”

Shiro nodded, bringing Matt's hands up to his hips. “However you'd like.”

There was a pause, then. In the slow and silent breaths Matt took next, it was obvious that he was turning over the options Shiro had just handed him in his mind, but every image that flashed there seemed to trouble him. He looked overwhelmed. Shiro reached for his hand, taking and holding it.

“Hey, nothing has to happen right now, okay? You can touch me if you want, but I'm not gonna make you. This is about you. I'm just…” Shiro grinned, feeling an embarrassing amount of heat rise to his cheeks. “I'm honestly just happy to be here. Close to you.”

Matt nodded, expression slowly softening. “Y’know, for someone who looks like they ought to be the header image on a freaking porn website, you sure are a boy scout.”

“I prefer to think I'm a gentleman,” Shiro offered. Matt rolled his eyes, pressing his forehead to Shiro's chest as he groaned.

“God, now you just sound like my dad.”

Shiro laughed, squeezing Matt's hand in his. “Hopefully not too much.”

Finally relaxed, Matt looked up at him, eyes shuttering nearly closed as his voice dropped to match. “No. No, not too much.”

His free hand reaching up to take hold of Shiro's shoulder, Matt pulled him downward. When they were flush against one another again - the only thing keeping Shiro from crushing Matt beneath him the strong, metal arm he held himself up with - Matt curled fingers around the back of Shiro’s neck, tilting his head up and back to kiss him again. They took their time, one of each of their hands still squeezing the other’s for a long moment as they reveled in the soft, sweet warmth of just being so close.

“Wish I would've known,” Shiro said between kisses, the words leaving him like a swear. He cursed every moment that had passed that he hadn't known he could have known this happiness, could have been making Matt happy, too. “Wish we could've had this.”

“We have it now,” Matt said, pressing himself against Shiro. Grinding his hips up in a slow roll, he sucked in a sharp breath, feeling Shiro's hardening cock pressing back against him. He dropped kisses along Shiro's shoulder, a hand tracing swirling patterns down his sides and back. “You set me free and now I'm gonna do it for you, if it's the last thing I do. I'll give you anything you want, everything. Just promise me no more wishing.”

“Nothing I need to wish for, now,” Shiro breathed. He squeezed Matt even closer to his chest. “It's right here in front of me.”

“God, you're a sap,” Matt grinned, happiness radiating from his features even in the muted light of his room. His eyes shone like amber, beautiful and mischievous and so full of life and love that it made Shiro's chest feel full to bursting. He kissed the end of his upturned nose, absolutely smitten.

“You're an angel.”

Matt laughed through his nose, grabbing his bottom lip between his teeth as he shook his head. “And you are the--”

His insult was stolen by Shiro's lips catching his, laughter still bubbling between their mouths. Eventually the humor melted away, though, giving way to the need that had been soldering between them for far too long. With their panting breath to stoke it the fire returned full-force, and Matt wound his arms around Shiro's neck, breaking their kiss with a gasp as Shiro's hand found its way down his stomach and to the tied waist of his pants.

“You can take these off, if you want,” he said, voice low and rough. Instead of removing them for him, he moved his hand to the catch of his own zipper. As he unzipped his pants and pushed them from his hips he spoke close to Matt's ear, “I was thinking it might give you a little more room.”

There was no need for any more teasing or hinting. Matt reached between them frantically and pulled away his leather-like belt with a single tug. It snapped against his skin and he flinched, but clawed at the waistband of his pants anyway. Shiro might have laughed, if he wasn't just as desperate to peel away anything and everything that separated them. All he wanted was Matt's warm skin - his hard cock - pressed against his own.

Matt sighed when the cool air of the room hit his heated skin, pants and underwear kicked halfway down his legs and no further before his hands returned to Shiro. He kissed Shiro's shoulders, his neck and chest. Any part of him that he could reach, he dragged his mouth across as his hands smoothed down Shiro's sides, worshipping his scar-marked skin.

“You're so gorgeous, Shiro,” he breathed, moving his open palms to the exposed swell of Shiro's ass. “Honestly can't believe this is happening right now. You're so amazing.”

“I'm the lucky one here,” Shiro countered, humming with satisfaction as Matt rolled his hips upward again. This time their bare cocks slid against one another, the friction of it sending sparks flying behind Shiro's eyelids as they fluttered closed on a groan. “You're incredible. Wanna make sure you know that.”

The whine that escaped Matt went straight to Shiro's dick, his mind fogged with lust as Matt bit his lips together hard to keep his pleased little sounds at bay. Shiro wanted to tell him to stop, to let himself make all the noise he wanted and let Shiro revel in the sound of it. Instead, Shiro let his hand fall to Matt's hip, pinning him gently in place to grind their cocks together once more.

“This,” Matt managed between moans, his own hand flying to the narrow space between them. “Need… Just need this, right now.” He wrapped his slender fingers around their mismatched lengths, nearly growling in frustration as he tried to close them. Before Shiro could ask what was wrong, Matt brought his hand to his mouth and licked a wet, messy stripe up his fingers and returned them to where he had clasped their cocks together. He took hold of both of them again, swearing under his breath as he began to move his wrist.

“Fuck, yeah,” he hissed, “This. This okay?”

In the haze of pleasure at finally feeling Matt’s touch, it took Shiro a moment to realize he was being spoken to. He nodded, struggling with the effort to keep himself propped above Matt as his arm shook. Matt's breathing hastened, coming in short, stuttering little gasps as he worked them both closer to release.

Shiro took a turn, then, pushing Matt's hand away and replacing it with his own. When the drag became too much, Matt grabbed his hand away, all but sucking it into his mouth to wet it. Shiro returned his fingers to their work, stroking both of them more easily than Matt's smaller hands had managed. It was all he could do to keep from coming at the desperate sounds he was pulling out of Matt, who was growing ever more tense against him.

“Shiro, Shiro, Shiro _oohhhh,”_ he sang, tuneless and near-silent as Shiro's arm grew too tired to continue. He rolled his hips instead, the two of them suddenly rutting against one another like desperate teenagers. Matt clung to him, fingers digging into his shoulders like he might fly apart into the void of space itself if he did not. “Shiro, Shiro please, don-- don't let me go, don't stop, don't let go--”

“Never letting you go,” Shiro swore, a promise he intended to keep. He could not protect the other paladins like he wanted to, but in that moment he vowed he would keep his lover safe or die trying. “Love you so much, Matthew.”

“Shiro,” Matt cried out, his voice failing him as pleasure took his breath. His body went rigid beneath Shiro's, quivering in his arms as he came. He sank teeth into the join of Shiro's neck and shoulder, just enough that Shiro could feel the sharp sting of them beside where Matt's fingernails still dug into him. The whisper of pain, the overwhelming pleasure of Matt shaking apart in his arms - it was the push he needed to let himself fall over the edge as well. He groaned Matt's name like it was the only word worth speaking as he covered them both in his come.

A few days before, Shiro might have wagered that the reason he saw stars behind his eyelids as he braced himself, shaking over Matt’s sweat-slicked body was because he had been so starved for release. Now, though, he knew different. He knew the reason he felt like he was hurtling through space from something as simple as touching and rocking against someone else until he came wasn't because of the act, but because of who was doing the touching.

Matt - beautiful, talented, genius, incredible Matthew Holt - was _in love with him,_ and wanted to make him feel good. He had been part of the void of space and of Shiro's stolen memories not weeks before, and now he was real and alive and lying under Shiro, covered in his come and murmuring his name like a praise to God. Shiro sighed at the thought, hopelessly lost to his own feelings for the beautiful boy beneath him.

_His_ boy.

Matt buried his face in the crook of Shiro's neck for a long moment as he came down from his high, laughing breathlessly.

“That was… That was definitely worth the wait.” He fumbled blindly beneath the bed, still half clinging to Shiro as he smacked around at the floor. Eventually, he found a stack of what Shiro hoped were clean towels.

“I have to agree,” Shiro laughed, still catching his breath. He took the towels Matt offered him and began cleaning them both up, kissing Matt's shoulder and side as he went. “Let's not wait so long, next time.”

Matt stretched, nodding as he looked back at Shiro with adoration in his eyes. “I'm free the rest of tonight, what about you?”

\--

The next few days were more of the same surreality that Shiro had come to expect from being near Matt. The morning after they drifted off to sleep in one another's arms, they woke up to the sound of Pidge slamming fists against Matt's door and demanding to be let in. When she burst into the room, all hope of keeping things quiet between them were lost, and Shiro resorted to telling the rest of the team over breakfast. It would have been hard to hide, anyway; his neck bore evidence of the night before in the form of scattered bruises and teeth marks that Matt couldn't seem to take his eyes off of.

To Shiro’s pleasant surprise, the others were happy and supportive - if not glad for a chance to tease him a bit - but then seemed to dismiss the topic and get right back to life, as normal.

At least, as normal as any of their lives could be.

As dishes were cleared away and plans made for the remainder of the day, the small crowd in the room parted and Shiro could see Matt looking back at him, all hesitation and careful control gone from his stance. Instead there was quiet confidence, a happiness that came from knowing that Shiro didn't just return his affections, he was determined to pay them back, tenfold. Matt looked at him like they were the only two people in the world, perhaps even the universe.

For another long moment, it felt as if they were. Then the room returned to its usual level of noise, and Shiro smiled at Matt. There would be time for more quiet time together, later. Shiro would make time, for both their sake. For the moment, he was content to return to his usual duties, with Matt nearby for silent support.

It was everything he'd never known he needed.

\--

“I am an excellent example for these children, thank you very much.”

Matt crossed arms over his chest, looking down at Shiro from his seat in his boyfriend's lap as if he were royally offended by the topic of conversation. Shiro raised an eyebrow and nodded.

“Uh-huh. Right. You taught Lance how to say ‘fuck you, Keith’ in nine alien languages,” Shiro said flatly. When Matt burst into a fit of laughter at the sound of the swear word in Shiro's level voice, he almost smiled himself. Almost. “Besides, most of these kids are your age. Your sister acts older than you do, most days. I wouldn't say the word example really fits.”

“He would have learned it either way,” Matt insisted, looking far too smug. “I just expedited the process, is all.” He glanced across the room to see Lance following Keith again, undoubtedly insulting him in one of the exotic tongues Matt had introduced him to. He beamed with pride. “See how well I pass on the universe's knowledge? I am a treasure.”

Shiro laughed, pulling him further into his lap. “You're a menace.” At that, Matt grinned; Shiro marveled at how - despite everything - that grin was always so big and bright and more beautiful every time. He _adored_ it.

“But you love me,” Matt replied, settling in where he sat. Shiro pressed a kiss to his forehead, laughing through his nose and ruffling Matt’s hair as he did. It was a simple conversation, a brief, quiet moment that meant nothing to anyone else in the universe, but there in the lounge with the stars beyond them as their backdrop, it was a moment worth everything he'd been through to reach it. With Matt smiling back at him and his heart full to bursting, Shiro felt free of the weight he had carried for so long.

His chains were broken, gone for good. He smiled down at the one who'd helped him break free of them and sighed, content.

“That I do.”


End file.
